England Day 6!

Wow, I've had internet issues! So expect a long post.

So yesterday! Seems like such a long time ago. We woke up in Bath and ate breakfast at the hotel. Then we wandered around and and bought some clothes. Then we went to the Roman Baths.

This was a very, very cool museum. We could walk all around the Baths and there was a cool audio tour and I really wish there'd been internet in last night's hotel because I just don't have time to cover this in detail with all the other things we've done. But there was really interesting commentary by Bill Bryson. And holographic images on the walls!

It was really cool.

Also there were all these pigs on the streets in Chicago cow style. They were beautiful. There was one that was so entirely a Rocky Horror pig. It was hilarious. It was based on the legend of King Bladud, the founder of Bath. They have such a cool founding legend. Boston has history, Bath has legends.

I want to go back there some day. I think I could live there.

Then it was off to Stratford-upon-Avon for Hamlet!

I'm going to save Hamlet for last because it was so awesome that I don't want to rush through it in an attempt to finish the blog post. So Hamlet, then we went to bed.

In the morning we visited Anne Hathaway's cottage which was very pretty and then went off to Oxford. We ate lunch and looked around then saw this rather silly production of Twelfth Night where Antonio was a puppet and the company had gone through Violas like popcorn. This was Viola 4 and she wasn't off book. But it was very fun anyway!

Then it was off to the hotel in Dorchester where there was (theoretically) no internet except I seem to have managed to find some anyway. This is the least pleasant place we've stayed so far.

So! Hamlet!

Oh my god, it was amazing. What I kind of didn't realize in the excitement of OH MY GOD DAVID TENNANT was that Patrick Stewart was playing Claudius! And let me tell you, he NAILED the role. He was also the Ghost, which I thought was just too cool.

Oh, man, there is no way I'll manage to say everything I loved about this show. There was too much.

The set was completely made out of mirrors. The floor was mirrored tiles and the back wall was made of six mirrors that could move. Occasionally they'd bring out other set pieces, but for the most part, this was it.

In the first scene the two guards kept shining their flashlights on the ground so the beams bounced up and hit the faces of whoever was talking.

The costumes were all pretty much modern dress, and oh man, they looked so good!

Oh, the ghost? Was also Patrick Stewart. He did both. It was just so...guh.

Hamlet made a very clear transition from sane to "mad." He rumpled his hair up after meeting the ghost and the next time we saw him, he wore a red t-shirt and jeans. And no shoes or socks. Also, he looked so young the entire time!

Polonius was hilarious. He was such a doddering old man. During some of his lines he'd just trail into mumbling and there'd be an awkward pause where everyone would lean in to see what he was going to say next and he'd suddenly be like, "Oh, where was I?"

Ophelia and Laertes were also great. Ophelia found condoms in Laertes' suitcase and mocked him when he was telling her not to fool around with Hamlet. And when Ophelia went mad? She was so much more insane than Hamlet. She was not faking it. And Laertes was so pissed. They both were really good.

Gertrude was wonderful. She went from being a glamorous queen in the first scene we see her to a tortured mother and widow in the end.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern were awesome. They were, of course, confused for each other, and bawdy and always together, and complete snakes. Brilliant.

And let's not forget Horatio! Now, I really love Horatio. And he was so good in this. He was always the one who laughed at Hamlet's jokes when everyone else clearly wanted him to just shut up. And they didn't cut out the suicide line at the end! Man, I loved this show.

Back to Claudius. He just had such dignity! After the play he just walked up to Hamlet and shone the light in his face clearly wondering what he knew and he was just so calm and collected. And in the end, when Hamlet's already poisoned him, Hamlet just handed him the cup and he drank from it meeting Hamlet's eyes the entire time and died. He wasn't forced. True, he was already dead, but still. It was just...wow.

Hamlet! He was so good! He was just wracked with grief in the beginning, and he did the fake madness so wonderfully! He was clearly having a great time, and after he killed Polonius there was a chase scene and they ended up duct taping him to a chair! And he delivered "To be or not to be" really well. That's a hard speech, since everyone knows it so well. And not really central to the plot, yet completely unable to be cut out. He barely acted it at all. He just rocked back and forth a little, staring at the audience and standing all but still. It was great.

I really loved this. I did.

The intermission came at a really weird point, though. When Claudius is praying and Hamlet comes in and thinks, oh, this is a really convenient time to kill him, and then he raises the dagger and bam, lights went out.

It was so television. I could practically hear the voice over saying, "Don't go away! We'll be back after these messages!"

Another cool thing, remember the mirrored set I told you about? Well, Polonius hides behind the mirrors a lot. And when he's in Gertrude's room and Hamlet hears him, Hamlet shoots, the lights go out, the mirrors spin, and when they stop, they're cracked. They stay that way for the rest of the show.

It was just so cool. I cannot get over how awesome it was. I'm sure I'll think in a few minutes of something I can't believe I'd ever forget to mention, but honestly? I could go on forever about this show. But I won't.

Story: Carnal, Bloody and Unnatural Acts

You want me to tell you Hamlet’s story? It’s not a happy one, I warn you. You know the ending, of course. Hamlet dies. The king, the queen, the advisor and both his children, the two false friends, all of them died. That’s when you showed up, my Lord Fortinbras.

I wanted to die too. Hamlet has been my friend for years. Living on while he’s in Heaven – it just doesn’t seem right. I suppose I should start at the beginning, though.

I went to Castle Elsinore several months ago to pay my respects to the dead king. I hadn’t expected to be assailed with tales of ghosts the moment I stepped onto the grounds. Bernardo and Marcellus are two guards of the castle. When they told me they had seen King Hamlet walking the castle grounds, I of course didn’t believe them. Ghosts? Simply tales made up to scare small children. At least, that’s what I’d thought.

Bernardo and Marcellus convinced me accompany them on their watch and see if the ghost appeared. I was surprised and terrified out of my mind when the ghost actually did appear. I was expecting a trick, not a real ghost.

Marcellus and Bernardo asked me what they should do. The only thing I could think to do was tell Prince Hamlet what we had seen.

Why Prince Hamlet and not King Claudius? Hamlet had always been my friend, and I knew that he would know I would not joke about this. I didn’t know at the time that King Claudius had killed King Hamlet, but it never even occurred to me to tell Claudius what had happened. Hamlet would want to know first, and that was reason enough for me to tell him.

When Marcellus and I found him, Hamlet was upset about the marriage of his mother and his uncle so soon after his father had died. Who wouldn’t be? It was a rather abrupt wedding. Hamlet was the only one who seemed to still be mourning the dead king.

Hamlet was as intrigued by the ghost as I’d thought he would be. He joined Marcellus and me the next night. The ghost appeared and bid Hamlet follow it.

Of course I tried to stop him. Marcellus and I both did. Though the ghost had the form of King Hamlet, we knew it could simply be a demon’s trick. Hamlet knew too, but he just didn’t care. He was that eager to hear his father’s voice again. He would not be stopped. Hamlet went so far as to threaten us when we tried to stop him.

We weren’t going to leave Hamlet alone with the ghost in such a state. We ran after him. When we’d caught up, the ghost was gone. Hamlet refused to tell us what the ghost had said, but he did make us swear by his sword never to tell what we’d seen. To this day, I never have, but Hamlet asked me to tell his story to the world, and the ghost is important.

It wasn’t until later that I found out the ghost’s message. He had told Hamlet that his death had not been a natural one. King Hamlet had been murdered by his brother, Claudius.

Hamlet had already disliked Claudius for marrying his mother so soon after his father died. Knowing the full story, though, made Hamlet loathe Claudius.

It was after learning the nature of King Hamlet’s death that Hamlet’s madness began.

I say madness only because that is what everyone called it. Hamlet was never mad. He pretended to have lost his mind to allay suspicion while he proved the ghost had been telling the truth and avenged his father. I’ll admit, there were times even I doubted his sanity. I worried that he took the act too far, and I blamed myself for telling him about the accursed ghost.

He was sane, though, and he thought of the perfect test. A play mimicking the death of King Hamlet as the ghost had told it. If Claudius had killed the King, he would be unable to hide his guilt when faced with such a clear representation of it. Hamlet asked me to watch for the King’s reaction so that we could compare after the show.

It went even better than we could have hoped. The King stopped the play after the murder scene and demanded light. Hamlet knew the ghost had spoken true, and he knew he had to kill King Claudius to avenge his father.

Have I mentioned Polonius at all yet? He was the King’s spymaster and advisor. He also was a bit of a fool, and very fond of the sound of his own voice.

He was there when Hamlet went to speak to his mother. I don’t know exactly what happened, but I do know Hamlet killed Polonius and hid the body. It had been an accident, but I don’t know any more than that of the circumstances.

The king sent Hamlet to England to have him executed. He did not know that Hamlet planned to kill him, but he was afraid. He sent Hamlet off with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, two so-called friends of Hamlet who traded loyalty to their friend for the favors of the king.

While Hamlet was away, things only grew more rotten. Polonius’ daughter, Ophelia, lost her mind and drowned herself. Laertes, Polonius’ son, came pounding on the castle doors, yelling for revenge.

Luckily, Hamlet never arrived in England. He ended up on a pirate ship, and they brought him back to Denmark. Before even meeting the pirates, he switched the death warrant that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern carried with one asking for the immediate death of the bearers. That is the only reason that they were killed.

After Hamlet and I reunited, we found ourselves watching the funeral procession for Ophelia. I had not had a chance to tell him of her death.

Laertes jumped into the grave and demanded to be buried alive with Ophelia. Hamlet couldn’t take Laertes’ dramatics. He had loved Ophelia. He snapped. He jumped into the grave with Laertes, and the two of them fought.

When we had separated them, Hamlet told me more fully of his short trip. We received the message that the King had placed a bet on Hamlet’s dueling skills. He wanted Laertes and Hamlet to fence before the court.

Hamlet was uneasy about it, but he refused to be dissuaded. He agreed to fence Laertes.

He had been right to be uneasy. Laertes and Claudius had plotted Hamlet’s death. One of the blades had been sharpened and dipped in poison so potent that a cut would be deadly. In case that wasn’t enough, the king had poisoned Hamlet’s drink.

You’ve seen the result. The queen drank the poisoned cup, Laertes slew Hamlet with the poisoned blade, Hamlet slew Laertes and the King, and he stopped me from drinking the poison to follow him.

That is how all of these deaths came to pass. It was Hamlet’s dying wish that you, Fortinbras, should become Denmark’s new ruler. He asked me to tell you. I shall continue to live and tell his story. Good luck with Denmark. It may have begun to heal, but there’s a long way yet to go.